My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
