Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
