Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
