HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
