stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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