4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
