I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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