I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm too high and old for this...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
