She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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