I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
