I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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