i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
