dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sacagawea was the original milf.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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