You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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