Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
