Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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