He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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