anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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