just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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