I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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