I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
