I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
