I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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