From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
