im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
