I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
