I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
