He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
