I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
