If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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