I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
