If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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