she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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