idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
