I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
