Only a mothe r could love this liver
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
