She's JV to your varsity
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
