we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
