I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
