I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
