New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
