At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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