The maid of honor just puked.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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