____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my shit smells like andre
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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