Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
