i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
