roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
