the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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