there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is classic penis vs brain.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
