I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
