I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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