the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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